im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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