We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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