i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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