Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
