I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
3pm strippers are depressing
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
