Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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