He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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