I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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