The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
