Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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