Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can't turn off my feet"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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