I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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