in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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