Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
