my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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