LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
