I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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