1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
