Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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