You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
