i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
