If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
birth control should be required to get into college
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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