Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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