Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
