i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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