sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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