i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
