Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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