I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
