Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
