we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
