she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
