My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
