I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
