the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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