she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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