you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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