Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
