do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
tell me about the fingering
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