were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
