so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
