Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
