Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
