I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
