I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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