Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
