girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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