I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
