So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
