I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
