Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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