just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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