Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
