I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
