Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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