You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They took my balls.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
