I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
