I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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