The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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