Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
