I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
