i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
