I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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