I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
