Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
