So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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