Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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