Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
