I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When did angry sex become our thing?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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