:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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